Some Goodnight stories

The Stranger in the corner of our home

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family.

The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family.

In my young mind, he had a special niche.

My parents were complementary instructors:

Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.

But the stranger... he was our storyteller.

He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures,

mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future!

He took my family to the first major league ball game.

He made me laugh, and he made me cry.

The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet.

(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honour them.

Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors.

Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis.

He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished.

He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex.

His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing..

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger.

Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked ... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family.

He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first.

Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?.... We just call him 'TV.

He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'

Their first child is "Cell Phone."

Second child "I Pod.”

And MOST RECENTLY BORN WAS a Grandchild: “IPAD.”

The scary part is how fertile they are and the gestation period for the next intrusions are getting shorter and shorter!!!

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 Teasing the nuns

Sitting behind some nuns (whose habits partially blocked their view) at a basketball game (yes you do sometimes find nuns at such events!), three guys decided to hassle the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, 'I think I'm going to move to CapeTown, there are only 100 nuns living there.'

The second guy spoke up and said, 'I want to go to Durban, there are only 50 nuns living there.'

The third guy said, 'I want to go to Bloemfontein, there are only 25 nuns living there.'

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, 'Why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns there!'

(Change the towns to wherever it is more relatable)

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Another Nun story

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:

"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other.. very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"

The worker yelled back, "Cause his wife's here with his lunch."

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Faith is not foolishness

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood.

A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!"

The religious man replies, "No I have faith in God. He will grant me a miracle and save me."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle.

With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again because "God will grant me a miracle."

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help because of his faith in God.

A few hours later, having drowned as a result of his refusal of help, he arrives most upset at the gates of heaven and says to Peter: “I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down."

St Peter chuckles and responds: "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter and you just would not accept help.”

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The Hairdresser

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're flying BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser. “That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Testavere Lodge."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What did he say?"

He said: "Who the hell did your hair?"

Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and can't care less, makes your life miserable by putting you down.

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And another hairdresser

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'

The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Ronald Reagan said:

"Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason."